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Til Death Do Us Blart Podcast
Some people watch football on Thanksgiving. Others go see a movie or, full from dinner, take a nap or go for a walk. But me? I listen to this podcast about Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. I’ve never actually seen the film, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. However, I do consider myself a Kevin James enthusiast. I spent an entire year recapping every episode of Kevin Can Wait. So, when I came across a podcast in which a group of comedians vowed to watch and review PBMC2 every American Thanksgiving until their mortal souls left this Earth, it seemed extremely my shit.
Comedy podcasters Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy (from the podcast, My Brother, My Brother, and Me) along with Tim Batt and Guy Montgomery (from podcast The Worst Idea of All Time) began this lifelong journey on November 26, 2015 with their first episode of Til Death Do Us Blart. It started as a simple review of the film—the guys going through it and recapping the plot while providing commentary. That first episode was longer than the actual run-time of PBMC2. None of them have seen the first Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
If you think a 94-minute Kevin James movie with a five percent score on Rotten Tomatoes wouldn’t be enough to provide material for what has, to date, been nearly five hours of podcast content, you’d be wrong.
Over the years, these poor doomed men have dug into the possibility of Paul Blart’s immortality, the tragedy of the title character’s broken soul, the theory that one character is a ghost haunting the casino where the film takes place, and a possible concurrent National Lampoon movie happening simultaneously with PBMC2. They’ve gone frame by frame through the heist. They’ve discussed the possibility of the main villain being sent by God. They’ve discussed Paul Blart’s problematic treatment of women and the films incessant fat shaming—and they still have a lifetime of podcasts to go. In fact, one of their theories was so convincing, it works with my theories of Kevin Can Wait and the greater Kevin James Cinematic Universe.
If one of the hosts should die, they pass this curse on to someone else. And it’s a curse I’d gladly take—I’ll be listening to the podcast until the end of linear time anyway.