What is happening in our world? Who is doing what? what is going on now? These are questions that will be answered. Enjoy.
New Cats Trailer Taylor Swift Questions
Back in July, Universal debuted the first trailer for its new screen adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Weber’s Cats musical. That trailer consisted of two minutes and 30 seconds of cat-human hybrid horror—a cursed clip that haunted our dreams for months to come. Just as we were starting to recover from what Hollywood has wrought, there’s now a new Cats trailer that we are forced to confront.
This trailer is shorter, thankfully. But, now that we’ve become acclimated to the furry, pun-filled Hell that is Cats, we must now attempt to make sense of these images before us. Here, the Esquire staff came together in a group therapy, of sorts, to compile our 30 most pressing questions about Cats, the Cats universe, the biology of the cats in Cats, and the shady underground network of catnip dealers.
1. How does the size of the cats work in relation to the relative size of everything else in the Cats universe? Some things are specifically cat-sized, while other things seem to be human-sized?
2. Why are the titular cats walking like humans? Is this a dystopian future where some sort of cross-species experiment went horribly wrong and human-cats inherited the Earth?
3. Why not just have the cats fully CGI-ed, but with human voices?
4. Why are some of them English and some American?
5. If the cats are tiny, then exactly how tiny is the bedazzled catnip shaker?
6. Why do the cats have human breasts?
7. This is more of a statement than a question, but good luck to Francesca Hayward.
8. Why does cat Judi Dench need a fur coat when she is already covered in fur?
9. Why do some cats wear pants, but others not?
10. Doesn’t Sir Ian McKellan have better things to do? Same question, but for Judi Dench.
11. Is their ultimate desire to be human?
12. Why is Taylor Swift in kitten heels, outside of the obvious pun?
13. Does Jason Derulo start any songs by saying Jason Derulo at the beginning?
14. This is also more of a statement than a question, but [jason derulo voice] 🎶 jason derulo 🎶
15. Why do they have human butts?
16. Did God spare Judi Dench by snapping her Achilles tendon years ago when she was supposed to star in Cats, only for her to mock his grace later in life?
17. Is this … a sex scene…?
18. Is catnip a controlled substance in the cats world?
19. Is there an underground market for Catnip or is it an over the counter thing?
20. Should we take this as a sign that Idris Elba is *not the next James Bond?
21. Is this cinema, Martin Scorsese?
22. Where can I find a catnip dealer in NYC?
23. Would these costumes have worked at Met Gala: Notes on Camp?
24. How did the cats bedazzle that mug with paws?
25. Why exactly can only one cat win?
26. Do humans exist in this world, or is this an alternate reality only inhabited by cats?
27. Why are there no hairless cats? This is erasure.
28. If there were hairless cats, would that require the actor to be naked?
29. How is that cat holding the bedazzled mug, certainly not with cat thumbs right?
30. Is my mom gonna want to see this over Christmas? Do I have to go with her?
Justin Kirkland is a writer for Esquire, where he focuses on entertainment, television, and pop culture.